What Have I Done? Humble Bundle Gone Wrong

What Have I Done? Humble Bundle Gone Wrong

For the first time since I started this challenge, I played two different games that make me regret taking this on.

A couple of weeks ago, I bought Humble Bundle’s So Cute Bundle, thinking it was full of fun puzzles games. Instead I have come across two frustrating nightmares that will be a terror to finish. Commence overly-dramatic ranting now.

The first is called Triple Town which was ported from the phone and released on Steam for no reason. Playing it on PC felt like a waste of time. Though it works fine, it feels like the kind of game I would kill time in the bathroom with, not sit at a desk and play. What you do is try to build up your city through a match-three puzzle mechanic where each piece builds off the next. Three plots of grass make a bush. Three bushes make a tree. Three trees build a house. As someone who grew up wasting time on flash versions of Bejeweled and managed to fall into the Candy Crush time vortex last year, this should appeal to me on some level, but I could barely play for thirty minutes.

As you might have guessed from earlier entries, I don’t need a lot of logic to believe in a game, but this one’s scenario has zero. Besides the fact that planting three trees will never transform into a house, the only threat I encountered so far is harmless. Two different kind of bears are forced into your encampment–what they call levels to try to make it sound more important than it really is–but never attack anyone or eat anything. They just wander back and forth, waiting for you to trap them so they turn into gravestones. What’s wrong with having them around? All they do is pace back and forth in front of your house like a stray cat.

Sadly, it is also an endless game. This is the kind of game where I need a goal besides a score. I tried looking online for some kind of timeline for game progression and found zilch. With so little motivation, I’m just going to have to pull up something on Youtube or Netflix for entertainment and blitz through the achievements. That’s the only way I can think to deem this one finished. I’m just really wishing I hadn’t bought it.

After this, I switched to another game that came in that same bundle–Woodle Tree Adventures. This one I played for even shorter than the previous game for one reason and one reason only: fixed camera angle. Here we have a third-person platformer where the only goal I know of is to collect fairy tears like some Disney villain, and the camera is is not adjustable.

The game starts in this large open field where a giant tree tells me to go check my house for something important. In an open area with no sign of life, it should be easy to find something tall enough to live in, right? Instead the camera stays in one place, letting the protagonist turn in circles without your view of the game ever changing. The only way to find anything is to walk and walk and walk. This is not Lord of the Rings, people.

Then after finally making my way home at a slower pace than a college student on Thirsty Thursday, I enter the first true platforming level. The camera angle acts like you’re playing a side scroller where you only need to be able to see enough to move left and right when in reality you have free reign. After attempting the same jump three times and spending five minutes backtracking, I was ready to break everything.

In case things weren’t unpredictable enough already, this level incorporates enemies too that can kill you just by touching you only once. Because you can’t look where you’re going, it’s impossible to avoid them. I would also like to know how in the world a bunny whose limbs are as floppy as its ears can murder me that easily.

Now off to kill some time with the iPad version of Hearthstone which is currently eating up my time. Couch plus card game equals the best way to wind down right before the weekend. Stay tuned!

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