Girls Against the Machine: the Finale

Girls Against the Machine: the Finale

A miracle happened last night–I finished the game. I finished Girls Like Robots and much celebration was to be had. Of course I only kept from falling asleep in my desk chair by creeping myself out with Criminal Minds on Netflix.

So some of my explanations make sense, let me explain how I will refer to this game’s level breakdown. The game has three acts which are each divided into several sections; then in these individual sections are multiple levels with similar mechanics.

More odd love-hate relationships bloomed in Acts II and III. The only thing the girls like more than their robot lovers is pie. The only people the loner is not indifferent to are the robots with pedo-mustaches. Fish and robots are “mortal enemies.” Seriously, that’s a direct quote from the game.

The weirdest new mechanic has to be the cows. For reasons unbeknownst to me because I skipped all of the hours of cutscenes, the children take a field trip to have a picnic on a volcano and then end up on a combustible train. The only way to milk the cows–and no, I don’t know why they need to be milked in the first place–is to surround them with angry people. The worst part? Instead of being normal, the cows spray their milk everywhere. If you are ever running low on porn filled with square-shaped teenagers, have I got a game for you.

For a game that I found so boring, the game would not stop changing. Every section had a new puzzle that was mostly isolated to that section alone. It would start with five or six tutorial levels that specialized in handholding. The game would even force you to do the wrong thing so you could see what happened instead of inferring the obvious. Then the difficulty level would spike back up to where I was sometimes randomly clicking to maximize the characters’ happiness. To me, the best mechanics happened for the shortest amounts of time. One section had the students getting thrown off of the back of a truck, and it was a race to get them back in the best position. Here the game went back to its original set of rules and added speed. This felt like a more natural progression than adding new characters and relationships every few levels.

Mainly I’m glad to be done with this monstrosity–no pun intended. Now I can enjoy Scribblenauts Unmasked that I picked up on Steam this weekend. I wonder how many times I can use black holes to solve my problems. Stay tuned.

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